South Korean Scientists Clone Glow in The Dark Kittens

For the longest time, I've held the not very popular opinion that North Korea is the greatest Korea. Today, I am pleased to report that although I still deeply respect and admire the wise, fair and balanced leadership of socialist revolutionary superbrain Kim Jong Il, recent news has forced me to revise my views. I am now firmly in the pro-South Korea camp.

The reason for this seismic shift in my political perspectives was not due to anything involving uranium enrichment, concern for human rights, or any sort of newfound respect for capitalism or democracy. Instead, I am backing South Korea because their scientists have not only cloned kittens, but cloned kittens that glow in the dark.

First off, I didn't even know there was such a thing as a glow in the dark kitten, but thanks to South Korea's scientific community, I know this as well as the fact that there can now be more of them. If you read the article you'll notice how they try to downplay the awesomeness of this action in and of itself and talk about how it could lead to treatment of human genetic diseases and stuff like that. To me, this is just a bunch of boring nerd talk. There are so many better things you can do with a glow in the dark cat than attempt to cure diseases.

I would like to state right now that I am in favor of using this technology to give cats a more prominent role in the rave subculture, but the possibilities for house pets are what I'm most interested in.

One of my roommates is a grey tabby named Mr. Business. He's a pretty sweet cat for the most part but sometimes he can get into mischief, like the time he crawled into a hole in the wall that my landlord still hasn't fixed yet so I had to go and use a claw hammer to free him. (I covered the hole with some JC Penny ads for the time being. I just hope my landlord gets on the ball before the holiday sale ends) Mr. Business, although a very sophisticated and astute gentleman in his own right, is sometimes guilty of regressing back into the ancient hunter-predator role assigned him by his blood memory.

I'll be getting myself a midnight snack with the lights out and no sooner will I have started to open the lid on the peanut butter will Mr. Business jump at my leg and try to eat it. Other times he'll be sleeping in the hallway and I'll accidentally kick him because I can't see him and he'll give me an especially grumpy meow.

If Mr. Business glowed in the dark, I would be able to step around him without accidentally kicking him and waking him up. Furthermore, I would be better able to anticipate his sneak attacks, thereby giving myself the ability to more easily capture him, hold him in my arms, and sing him parodies of pop songs with the lyrics changed to be about either him or just cats in general. (current song: "We built this kitty on rock'n'roll.")

Plus, having a glow in the dark cat would come in handy on nights like the one where my friend Jackie left the front door open and we thought Mr. Business had ran out and so we were franticly trying to see if he was hiding in the bushes but we couldn't see him because it was dark. It turned out to be a false alarm though because after we started calling for him he came out from under the couch. Still, that could have potentially been a bad situation.

For some people, a cat is perfect as it is and does not need to glow in the dark. Well consider this: if human beings are allowed to use science to better themselves, why can't cats? Isn't that a little bit speciesist? I think that the glow in the dark gene should be placed into the DNA of every clone. Not just cats. That way, if a scientist were to clone me, for example, the clone wouldn't be able to lie and say he's the original and take over my life. His claims would be easily disproved by a flip of a light switch. I know that my clone would attempt this because that's exactly what I would do if I were in his position.

With scientific breakthroughs like these happening more often these days, we should not be slow to reap the benefits of this knowledge. On the contrary, we should encourage scientists to further speed up the evolution of cats. This glow in the dark thing is a great step, but it's not going nearly far enough. I want a cat that grants wishes by the year 3000.

So hats off to you, South Korean scientists. Your glow in the dark cat clones are inspiring. I just hope that mankind has the maturity and the foresight to use this gift for good and not evil.